Rick Bernardo | The Inept Owl

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Punxsutawney Phil Predicts More Winter: Pennsylvanians Stock Up on Sunblock

February 2, 2012
By
groundhog2012

Punxsutawney, PA: Once again, our furry meteorologists have poked their heads out into the world for the sole purpose of telling us when to expect winter to be over. This time, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, forecasting 6 more weeks of winter. Pennsylvanians on location cheered, and proceeded to set up lawn chairs and...
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Posted in Barely News, National | No Comments »

Rick’s Cabaret NYC Girls Predict Giants to Win Super Bowl

January 31, 2012
By
ricks-giants1

New York, NY: The gorgeous dancers at Rick's Cabaret New York, the famous gentlemen's club in midtown Manhattan, are predicting the Giants will win the Super Bowl next Sunday. With in depth research of the health of players, poignant match-ups of strengths and weaknesses on offense and defense and how those characteristics play against...
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Patriots Coach Belichick to Install New Gate at Home

January 29, 2012
By
Courtesy of South Park Studios

Weston, MA: In celebration of the New England Patriots making it to their 5th Super Bowl in 10 years, coach Bill Belichick recently instigated plans for building a 4th gate on the property of his Massachusetts home this past week.
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The 2012 Republican Debate in Florida: An Oblivious Pictorial Review

January 27, 2012
By
gingrich_romney2012

The second Republican debate in Florida was held yesterday, pitting the political powerhouses Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, and some guy named Rick against each other in a battle of issues, relevancy, and for America. Those who viewed the podium bout were filled with questions, and hopefully were given answers, however I had...
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Death Cab for Cutie to Launch Farewell Zooey Tour

January 26, 2012
By
bengibbard

Los Angeles, CA: After two month's of separation and a month of divorce proceedings, "Death Cab for Cutie" frontman Ben Gibbard is planning to say goodbye to Zooey Deschanel the only way he knows how: playing and singing depressing songs, starting in April.
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What Is Dirty Dancing Anymore?

January 25, 2012
By
starwars_grind

I am not a big fan of Dirty Dancing. Sure, Jennifer Grey was one of my "just turned adolescent" fantasies thanks to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I don't know if it was her "just rolled out of bed" perm, those eternally angry facial expressions that just scream sexiness, or that slick peach trench-coat of...
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Posted in Entertainment, Opinions | No Comments »

Joe Paterno Fails to Replace Abe Vigoda Joke

January 23, 2012
By
joepaterno

University Park, PA: After only a few hours and minimal faulty news reports, reality was finally confirmed: Abe Vigoda is still alive. Unfortunately for legendary Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, Joe Paterno is not. The rumor of Joe Paterno's passing came late Saturday night, however family members, including Paterno himself, denied the allegations...
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Posted in Barely News, Sports | 1 Comment »

New Jersey Lobbies for Giants Super Bowl Parade to be Held on Turnpike

January 20, 2012
By
nj_parade

East Rutherford, NJ: A decades-long debate was reopened once again on Wednesday as New Jersey governor Chris Christie opened his big mouth without any intention of putting food in it. Instead, Gov. Christie let loose his beliefs that, if the New York Giants win this year's Super Bowl, the parade should be held in...
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Belichick and Patriots Hire McDaniels, Cowher and More as Assistants

January 14, 2012
By
belichick_thumb

Foxborough, MA: Looking for their first win in the NFL playoffs since 2007, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots left nothing to chance by hiring their former offensive coordinator, Josh McDaniels, as an assistant to offensive coordinator Bill O'Brian. While there are roster lock rules that prevent players from jumping from a losing...
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Mitt Romney Admits to Not Tying Dog to Roof for 2012 Campaign

January 10, 2012
By
mitt_romney2012

Bedford, NH: Presidential campaign trails are full of the philosophies, hopes, and successes of those that are running. These sparks are what ignite the fuel within voters to inspire them to passionately vouch for, defend, and eventually vote for a candidate. Those same presidential trails are also full of mud,lack of judgement, and actions...
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Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

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