Berea, OH: Earlier this week, scientists made a one-of-a-kind discovery: a man who has never once listened to a Christmas carol performed by singer Mariah Carey. At a press release in Berea, Dr. Jim Foxentrot, head of the Christmas and Related Events of Yule branch of the Benevolent League of Winter Scientists (CAREY-BLOWS) revealed...
Read more »
New York City--Having been kicked out of various parks, bridges, and underpasses across New York City, the two-month-old Occupy Wall Street movement has decided to select a new location for their efforts: Macy's Herald Square.
Read more »
Louisville, KY: Bolstered by the success of former Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain in early Republican polling, the founder of Papa John's Pizza has decided to throw his hat into the presidential ring. "Papa John" Schnatter, the 50 year old pizza mogul, announced his decision from his company's headquarters this morning. "It's time that...
Read more »
This is what happens when you give every kid in the soccer league a trophy. This is what happens when you hold up movie and television stars as idols. They start making shitty music. I want to blame Gwyneth Paltrow for this trend, but its dark roots go much deeper. Remember Don Johnson? Remember...
Read more »
Dallas, TX: With the state fair more than a month away still, organizers are concerned about flagging attendance rates in a down economy. Therefore, they have already begun parceling out tightly-held secrets about this year’s Texas State Fair, including the most important one: this year’s new deep-fried goodie. While the recipe is considered top-secret...
Read more »
Washington, DC: After hammering away for hours and hours, Speaker of the House John Boehner has withdrawn from debt ceiling and budget talks with President Obama and Democrats. Boehner, who made the news in January for wielding an unusually large gavel, has been trying for weeks to shove his agenda down Democrats’ throats. Democratic...
Read more »
Nationwide, US: In an effort to avoid the inevitable holiday crowds this 4th of July weekend, revelers are finding creative ways to get out ahead of the curve in their celebrations. This head-start approach to the holiday is not without its complications, however. Americans in northern states who traveled to Canada in search of...
Read more »
You think you know the blues? Hold up there, Hipster Hank. Put down your PBR and listen for a minute. This isn’t your super-rare bootleg 45 of Etta James playing live in some smoky dive in New Orleans. This isn’t John Lee Hooker, growling his way through another “woman done me wrong” song. And...
Read more »
On April 20th, I got an email notification whose subject line read: “The Editor wants to share ‘TV on the Radio’ with you.” Do me a favor: go to Wikipedia, look up “TV on the Radio,” then see if you can find a reference to April 20th. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Yep. That guy...
Read more »
Washington DC—This week, members of US Congress worked out a deal to keep the government running while details of the federal budgets were debated. While this deal keeps many minor aspects of the government such as military paychecks and the IRS function, the most critical component that was kept in motion was the White...
Read more »
