Florham Park, NJ: Tim Tebow not only loves Jesus, he may actually have a monopoly on the creative license of Jesus. The pious backup quarterback of the New York Jets caused a stir for copyrights in regards to the Son of God when his lawyers sent a desist letter to a company, Chubby Tees, which was [...]
Finally, after a long hiatus from online gaming because A) Diablo 2 got old, and B) World of Warcraft makes you pay by the month, which is useless to me because I sometimes only play games once a month, a game that I knew would drag me back in was released: Diablo 3. Normally, I’m [...]
Cupertino, CA: This past month, the technology rumor mill has been cranking in anticipation of Apple’s latest legendary invention: the iPhone…5. While the idea is plausible that the iPhone 5 would be released eventually, considering Apple’s dead-pan creativity with naming their products, iPhonophiles are hopeful that the future version will have features such as a [...]
Phoenix, AZ: Last month, the University of Phoenix unveiled a new department for registration. The department is called “Student Debt Studies” and boasts a catalog of ten courses covering the subject of owing money for getting educated and preparing students for a future of misery and ramen noodles. The department will combine a number of [...]
Most supporters of Libertarian/Republican Representative Dr. Ronald Ernest Paul, Esquire, have not given up on their candidate’s possibility to win the Republican primaries. Although Mitt Romney seems to have taken the lead in everything after Newt Gingrich ran out of money, Rep. Ron Paul stands strong in a determined, if not handicapped, campaign. While critics [...]
Well, it’s May the fourth again and, for some fairly humorous reasons, is Star Wars Day. However, there is one reason that May the fourth was mixed up with “May the Force” that is rarely brought up: good, old-fashioned embarrassing speech impediments. Happy Star Wars Day, everyone!
New York, NY: With the end of How I Met Your Mother on the horizon, Neil Patrick Harris recently came to terms with a screen rumor about his character in the series, Barney Stinson. Harris, the actor who played Doogie Howser in the 1990s and disappeared for nearly twenty years before appearing in the White [...]
Miami, FL: The conclusion of the Ultra Music Festival in Miami was business as usual when a man wearing a giant, bright pink cartoon mouse helmet accused the now literal “Material Girl” Madonna of being a bad role model by referencing the drug ecstasy. The reference in question came when Madonna addressed the attendees of [...]
Los Angeles, CA: After almost a month and a half of examination, blood testing, and the repetition of “I Will Always Love You” written by Dolly Parton, the LA Coroners Office released the official findings on the death of Whitney Houston. To the dismay of family, friends, and fans, the cause of the death was [...]
Florham Park, NJ: Tim Tebow not only loves Jesus, he may actually have a monopoly on the creative license of Jesus. The pious backup quarterback of the New York Jets caused a stir for copyrights in regards to the Son of God when his lawyers sent a desist letter to a company, Chubby Tees, which was [...]
Phoenix, AZ: The Our Lady of Tears baseball team forfeited a championship game against Arizona Sun Preparatory School this past weekend because the second base man for Arizona Sun is, in fact, a woman. Phoebe Singer, 15, plays second base on the Arizona Sun baseball team because the school doesn’t have a softball team. Everyone—including [...]
The Kansas City Royals look cheap. Maybe it’s the colors. Blue. White. Yellow. It is very reminiscent of something. Comparing the streaking Kansas City Royals to Wal-Mart may seem unfair to some but, in fairness to the fans, the people of Kansas City deserve a better product and spending more money may be the only [...]
New York, NY: With this weekend’s announcement that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning will be hosting NBC’s Saturday Night Live on May 5th, fans, both of the show and Eli, became anxious about what this would mean. Would it be as wildly successful as Peyton Manning’s 2007 hosting duties that led to numerous commercials? [...]
Lake Jackson, TX: In a press release today, the Ron Paul 2012 campaign announced that their slogan would be changing from “Restore America Now” to “Restore America Eventually” in order to reflect the new direction of the campaign. A section of the press release is as follows: “As the Republican primary heads into its endgame, [...]
New York, NY: In a press conference on Friday, Newt Gingrich revealed that he wasn’t really that interested in becoming the Republican nominee to run against Obama in November. “It’s not about winning. It’s about principles.” The former House Speaker was quoted as saying. Gingrich has been hammering presumptive nominee Mitt Romney on his vague [...]
The second Republican debate in Florida was held yesterday, pitting the political powerhouses Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, and some guy named Rick against each other in a battle of issues, relevancy, and for America. Those who viewed the podium bout were filled with questions, and hopefully were given answers, however I had an appointment to have my nose-hairs plucked out by a chicken, and could not be one of the audience. Luckily, the internet has a wide range of images depicting the debate from beginning to end, so I will explain what happened to the best of my abilities.
East Rutherford, NJ: A decades-long debate was reopened once again on Wednesday as New Jersey governor Chris Christie opened his big mouth without any intention of putting food in it. Instead, Gov. Christie let loose his beliefs that, if the New York Giants win this year’s Super Bowl, the parade should be held in New Jersey, and not Manhattan’s Canyon of Heroes. “They play in New Jersey,” Christie said on the “Today” show. “They train in New Jersey.” some players, such as quarterback Eli Manning, even live in New Jersey.
Finally, after a long hiatus from online gaming because A) Diablo 2 got old, and B) World of Warcraft makes you pay by the month, which is useless to me because I sometimes only play games once a month, a game that I knew would drag me back in was released: Diablo 3. Normally, I’m [...]
Holidays are a time for family and moralistic inspiration. A few times a year, our ancestral roots call out for us to remember our cultural and religious heritages, and to allow those traditions to envelope us for a few hours at a clip. As times have progressed, media outlets have progressed as well, taking us [...]
It is obvious that I’m a fan of Game of Thrones. I have written character descriptions, comparing many of them to beer, and then more beer. I have practiced ways of proposing to Daenerys Targaryen, with or without dragons and with or without clothes. I got involved in a photoshop contest. But, it wasn’t enough. I needed more. Luckily, I found a cross-dimensional device that could very well help me get to Westeros, a place which my feeble nerd brain believed was not in the past, but in some weird, linear past where stunted men ran around screwing hot women, where political leaders were corrupt and suspicious, where Sean Bean would survive a movie or season. So with my hover-board, a photographer, a bit too much alcohol consumption, and a few hours in the desert surrounding Las Vegas, Nevada, I bring to you my trip to Westeros.
Boston, MA: After over five years and almost $35 million, the impossible has happened: the Curt Schilling video game has arrived for computer and gaming consoles everywhere. Not to be confused with the medieval-based RPG that Curt Schilling’s new production company, 38 Studios, recently launched(Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning), this new first-person puzzle RPG lets gamers play as Curt Schilling during his retirement. Heralded as the epitome of reality gaming, Expert: 2012, as the Curt Schilling game is called, allows players to interact with active MLB players, retirees, officials, senators, and anyone else that you can get to listen to you in the hopes of gaining their trust, boosting your popularity, and finding your place in Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.
Cupertino, CA: This past month, the technology rumor mill has been cranking in anticipation of Apple’s latest legendary invention: the iPhone…5. While the idea is plausible that the iPhone 5 would be released eventually, considering Apple’s dead-pan creativity with naming their products, iPhonophiles are hopeful that the future version will have features such as a [...]
Phoenix, AZ: Last month, the University of Phoenix unveiled a new department for registration. The department is called “Student Debt Studies” and boasts a catalog of ten courses covering the subject of owing money for getting educated and preparing students for a future of misery and ramen noodles. The department will combine a number of [...]
San Francisco, CA: For the first time since its launch as a search engine, the internet monolith Google has done the seemingly impossible: beat Apple to a technological advancement by ripping off a Futurama reference to Apple. The technology? Google glasses, aka Project Glass. The almost glassless glasses, set to feature a small screen in [...]
Toronto, Canadialand—Today, the Canadian government announced a decision to no longer use the Canadian penny. Due to inflation, a lack of coin purses, and the fact that Coinstar charges more to count a penny than one gets to cash it in, the Canadian finance minister Jim Flaherty said it was no longer sensible to mint the copper coins.
Phoenix, AZ: The Our Lady of Tears baseball team forfeited a championship game against Arizona Sun Preparatory School this past weekend because the second base man for Arizona Sun is, in fact, a woman. Phoebe Singer, 15, plays second base on the Arizona Sun baseball team because the school doesn’t have a softball team. Everyone—including [...]
Springfield, OH: A normal garage sale on a normal neighborhood block turned into mayhem this past weekend, as local Springfield resident Nicholas Glunt learned what a garage sale really is, the hard way. Mr. Glunt had purchased his first home in November of last year, so this would be the first garage sale that he [...]
New York, NY: Spring is a time of rejuvenation, a time when “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”, as Alfred Lord Tennyson put it. Unfortunately, the reciprocation of that fancy and love usually leaves an ex-boyfriend on the short end of Spring. This problem was apparent for Douglas Garrett, whose jealousy [...]
Los Angeles, CA: It didn’t take long for David Platt to feel the sharp blade of Valentine’s Day cut away the last bits of his self-esteem. What had begun as a routine trip outside to get the mail after work quickly became the challenge to endure melancholia, for when Mr. Platt reached into his mailbox and pulled out that handful of mail, he also pulled something out unexpected. That something was a crisp, pink, sealed envelope addressed to one David Platt and his home residence, with no return address. “I can’t deny that I was excited,” stated Mr. Platt. “I don’t usually get valentines. The last time I did I had to pay $50, and I only got to keep her for five minutes.”
Kingston, RI: Rob Gronkowski, tight end for the New England Patriots, made another huge step toward both proving that he didn’t have sex with porn star Bibi Jones, and coming fully out of the closet. This step occurred yesterday at the University of Rhode Island, where Gronkowski played a game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill” on-stage [...]
In honor of Friday the 13th, here is our favorite hockey-masked murderer doing something we all wish we could do after hearing that song, “Friday” by Rebecca Black. Happy Friday the 13th!
Easter is one of the most neglected holidays in meme-dom. Maybe it’s a fear of antagonizing the religious. Maybe it’s a pain to figure out what to do with zombie bunnies who died for our chocolate. Maybe South Park has cornered the market. Whatever the case may be, we have decided to follow up our [...]
Galilee, ISRAEL: St. Joseph, husband of Mary and adoptive father of Jesus H. Christ, wants to make it known that he is “sick and tired of being ignored.” According to St. Joseph, he is rarely mentioned in bible passages and hasn’t been prominently featured on a Hallmark Christmas Card since 1988. “What a crock of [...]
