Recent Articles
New Benghazi Report Offers Shocking Plot Twists and Holes
Washington, DC: Recently leaked government emails have revealed some astonishing new details about the attack on the US Consulate in the Libyan city of Benghazi. Members of both parties have been riled by these developments and President Obama and the White House have come under scrutiny for their potential involvement in a large-scale cover-up of [...]
Facebook Phone Fails, Other Social Media Phones Abandoned
Menlo Park, CA: After the recent devaluation of the HTC First, commonly known as “The Facebook Phone,” to 99¢, other popular social media sites are shutting down their own plans to release phones centered around their own networking applications. “People got sick of the ‘Facebook Phone’ idea when they realized the first thing they would [...]
Hummus Becomes No. 1 Public Health Concern
Atlanta, Georgia: The Centers for Disease Control have announced a new issue on the top of the day-to-day public health agenda: the American hummus addiction. Last week, the Wall Street Journal published an expose on tobacco farmers converting their land to the cultivation of chickpeas, switching from the tightly regulated cigarette market to the laissez-faire [...]
Life Expectancy of Westboro Baptists Less Than Life Expectancy of Picket Signs
Oklahoma City, OK: When NBA basketball player Jason Collins came out as gay, there was one reaction that the world could count on: the Westboro Baptist Church members holding up signs somewhere to promote their “God Hates Fags” belief that homosexuality is the cause of all the world’s ills along with Obama, America, and rice [...]
Florida Man Decides Bangladesh Ain’t No Real Place
Odessa, FL: If there is one thing that Travis Grauman is good at, it’s shoplifting. By his own estimation, he has stolen hundreds of dollars worth of candy and disposable razors from countless gas stations and has only been caught “four to six times.” Recently, while practicing his craft at a 7-11, Grauman swiped a [...]
An Open Letter to the World from a New York Jets Fan
I’ve been conflicted ever since the New York Jets traded Darrelle Revis to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a 1st round draft pick and a bag of Captain Morgan rum bottles, which is why I haven’t been able to put together a coherent sentence until now to discuss what this means to a Jets fan. [...]
George W Bush Opens Library of ‘Merica
Dallas, Texas: On Thursday, George W. Bush presided over the opening of his presidential library, the George W. Bush Library of ‘Merica. The name was chosen to represent the former president’s unique contributions to the American legacy. A number of PR representatives advised against this name, but Bush stayed true to his reputation by sticking [...]
Vegan Angry After Being Served Grass-Fed Wheatgrass
Toluca Lake, CA: On Monday, Betty Moonshadow felt abnormally tired after an especially long day at the free range chicken farm she manages with her life partner and decided she needed an all natural pick-me-up. She climbed into her Toyota Prius and drove to her local Whole Foods for a shot of wheatgrass. After gulping [...]
George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum Resurrects Old Political Jokes
Dallas, TX: It seemed too good to be true. George W. Bush, the former president of the United States who had launched hundreds of grammatically incorrect quotes and slogans, will be be opening a library. Much to the pleasure of great political satirists and humorists such as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Lewis Black, and The [...]
Curt Shilling Alive and Well Annoying Public after Boston Bombing
Boston, MA: In the wake of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, the sports world was riveted in an extremely quiet celebration when it was believed that former Red Sox star pitcher and daily loudmouth Curt Shilling was injured in the catastrophe. While many believed that any injury would only lead to Shilling broadcasting from [...]
